Just Name Your Taste
by Forever Yours Zana
Summary: Itachi ignored his mother and took to staring at his baby brother’s extra toe. Incest had its consequences. Perhaps his mother’s insanity was a consequence of incest as well. Various Ficlets.
1. Kushina and Mikoto

**Z/N: **This is me squashing all of the little Naruto plot bunnies that pop up in my head on a daily basis without turning them into long works of fanfiction that will never get completed (or will take a long-ass time to complete). These ficlets will range from shonen-ai to crack. Some will be disturbing while others heart-wrenching. Some might feature your favorite Naruto character while others won't. Either way, I'm writing these drabbles for me, as a form of creative release. **If you, as a reviewer, happen to stumble on a ficlet you enjoy, please review! It would make me very happy. **

So read, enjoy, and indulge in my retarded fan girl ramblings!

These drabbles are NOT beta'd by the way. I'm going to do my best at finding my own mistakes and correcting them, but feel free to point them out to me as well.

**XXX**

**Title**: **Kushina and Mikoto**

**Rating: T**

**Pairings: Minato/Kushina, Fugaku/Mikoto, slight Naru/Sasu**

**Summary**: _The Uchiha-Uzumaki rivalry has been going on for quite awhile._

**Warnings: **Spoilers if you don't know who Naruto's are, Canon!AU (as in, if Naruto knew his parents and Sasuke's family drama never occurred), crack, language, _major_ time fuckery

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (Insert witty joke here)**

**XOX**

**When They First Met**

**XOX**

Uchiha Mikoto was on her first, real mission as a genin with her squad (the other two members consisting of Namikaze Minato and Ragito Ryuu). She had her team had traveled to the Whirlpool Country. They were on their way to delivering a scroll to the daimyo of the country when _it_ happened. Mikoto was attempting to woo Minato with her feminine wiles as they walked through the village when a group of jounin jumped right in front of their team, blocking their path.

"Uzumaki Kushina, stop your nonsense at once! You're surrounded! This is the last time you'll ever commit a foolish prank!" shouted a bald-headed jounin.

"Tch, you'll have to catch me first you bastards!" replied a female voice. "Kage Bushin no Jutsu!"

An abundance of red-haired, boyish-looking girls (flaunting a hideous shade of orange, Mikoto noted) hopped out from the circle of jounin. The clones jumped on rooftops and teased villagers and accidentally stomped all over Mikoto as the jounin chasing the girl dispersed, searching for the real Kushina among the groups of clones. Ryuu pointed and laughed at Mikoto's pain. Mikoto groaned.

"My…my back hurts! That little hussy! I can't believe she had the nerve to treat an Uchiha in such a manner! Minato-kun, can you please help me u—?"

Mikoto stopped and gasped. Instead of paying attention to her, Minato was chatting up a storm with the real Uzumaki girl. Minato looked genuinely interested as he laughed at whatever came out of the Uzumaki girl's mouth. Mikoto snarled as she quickly picked herself up, wiped the dirt off of her stylish tube-top and marched over to where Minato and Kushina were talking. Kushina looked at Mikoto and rubbed the back of her head, looking sheepish. "Oh! Hey there! I'm really sorry one of my clones stepped on you! It would suck if I had Leaf Village ninja think badly of the Whirlpool Country!"

Mikoto stared Kushina down with distaste. _Short, dirty red hair. Fingernails bitten to the quick_. _That ugly orange vest with a stupid spiral. Sweating profusely. This girl is so disgusting; someone like Minato-kun would never be interested in such trash!_

Mikoto smirked as she brushed a strand of shiny, black hair back. "Uzumaki-san, I'm not just any Leaf Village ninja. I am Mikoto of the _famous_ Uchiha Clan."

"Yeah, the clan full of bitches," Ryuu murmured. Mikoto kicked Ryuu in the back of his legs. Kushina smiled brightly. "I never heard of your clan before!"

Mikoto's left eye twitched. _This bitch is definitely asking for it!_

The leader of their genin team, Hatake Sakumo, studied Kushina before placing a finger on his bottom lip. "Please, Uzumaki-san, forgive my cute little students for their rudeness. But, if you don't mind me asking, aren't you the daughter of the daimyo of this country? Uzumaki Takahiro?"

Kushina nodded. "Yes, I am! Why do you ask?"

Sakumo smiled. "Ah, how lucky we are to run into you then. Would you mind leading us to your father? We have an important scroll to deliver to him."

"Sure! I even know a shortcut, _dattebayo_!"

Ryuu smirked. "Hey, Mikoto, the face you're making right now makes you look uglier than usual."

Minato frowned at Ryuu. "Don't say that about Miko-chan. Ne, Miko-chan, are you alright? Do you need to rest?"

Mikoto held a hand to her forehead and eyed Kushina through lowered lashes. "I think I do need to rest Minato-kun. A certain loud tomboy's voice has suddenly made me ill…"

Kushina growled. "What the hell did I ever do to you Uchiha? I was being nice to you!"

"Ladies, especially ladies of royalty shouldn't curse and look so shabby," Mikoto replied, hiding behind Minato for safety measures.

"Shabby? I'll show you shabby right here you arrogant bitch!"

Minato panicked. "Now girls, we shouldn't fight—"

Ryuu snorted. "Namikaze let them. Maybe we'll finally see Mikoto do something beside flirt."

And that was how Mikoto's hatred for a certain tit-less home wrecker and Kushina's dislike for a certain conceited, useless Uchiha was born.

**XOX**

**Years Later**

**XOX**

Mikoto was recently promoted to the jounin level. She was currently looking for Minato in order to inform him of her new position. She really didn't care about asshole Ryuu. Sure, she was the last of her team to do so, and sure, she had to take the jounin exam several times, but at last she was completely worthy enough to be Minato's wife. Minato's plan for the future was to become Hokage, and if Minato kept on following his path of greatness, he would become Hokage in no time. Mikoto wanted to be the beautiful, strong woman standing by Minato's side when Minato places on his Hokage hat for the first time.

Mikoto finally found Minato at a dingy little ramen stand. He was slurping down a bowl of that fattening soup with none other than Uzumaki Kushina. Minato had various bandages and scars covering his body as did Kushina.

Minato swallowed a ramen noodle and smiled. "I just love eating a bowl of Ichiraku after an intense sparring session! You're amazing Kushina, I've never seen a kunoichi with that much talent before!"

Kushina poked Minato in the forehead. "Bastard. That's what you get for underestimating female ninja. That Rasengan attack was pretty brutal though. How did you come up with such a kick-ass technique?"

"I won't say a word until you tell me how you utilize your Kage Bushin technique so well!"

Mikoto froze in place as she stared at the two before her. A horrible realization dawned upon her.

_You mean…to tell me…after all these years…being on the same team as Minato…pretending to be completely weak so that he could save me…avoiding ramen in order to stay thin…always worrying about my appearance…were really turn-offs to him? Does he think I'm nothing more than a spoiled brat with amazing hair? And…and Uzumaki Kushina! She doesn't look like a boy anymore! Damn you Uzumaki Kushina, damn you to hell! _

Kushina's previously short hair had grown long and went past her waist; her hair was more of a gentle auburn rather than bright red color as well. She no longer had freckles, but peach-colored, creamy skin. Kushina had also taken care to dressing better (despite the fact she still wore orange) and she had breasts. Breasts that was _bigger_ than Mikoto's own. Kushina was remarkably _gorgeous_.

"Hey, teme, why are you standing in the middle of the street like a lost puppy?"

The sound of Kushina's voice brought Mikoto out her thoughts. Mikoto glared back at Kushina with Sharingan eyes. "Tch, usuratonkachi, I'll have you know that you're speaking to a jounin! _Ohohohohohohoho_! And what rank are you again Uzumaki? Chunin?"

Kushina made a face. "Minato and I were just talking about how we're both getting inducted into the ANBU Black Ops. I'm surprised you made jounin though. Good for you! I always thought that you would have quit being a ninja and settle down as a housewife by now!"

Minato laughed nervously. He sensed both Mikoto and Kushina's respect chakras increasing. "Ah, Mikoto, would you like to join Kushina and me for a bowl? I'll pay!"

Mikoto reached into ninja pouch and pulled out several shurikin, throwing them at Kushina. Kushina jumped out of her seat and dodged at the shurikin attacked her half-empty ramen bowl instead of her. Mikoto smirked. "I'm still more special that you dobe! You'll never be able to reach my status as a lady of the Uchiha Clan, the best clan in the entire ninja world! Ohohohohohoho!"

"I'm going to take that stupid laugh of yours teme and shove it up your skinny ass! Kage Bushin no Jutsu!"

The owner of Ichiraku looked at Minato. "I hope you know you're paying for the damages sonny boy."

Minato looked into his emptying frog wallet and sighed softly.

**XOX**

**WHY ME?!**

**XOX **

When Mikoto came home later that day, her younger sister Minna tackled her to the ground. Mikoto cursed.

"Get off of me! Can't you see I'm injured you annoying brat?"

Minna ignored her sister's whining. "Ne, Mikoto, Mikoto, guess what? 'Tou-san and 'Kaa-san said that you're going to marry cousin Fugaku next Saturday! Hurry up and change into a nice kimono! Fugaku's here right now to see you! I think he bought you a ring!"

"He…he's eight years older than me…and…and my cousin," Mikoto said to Minna with wide eyes.

Minna shrugged. "How else are we supposed to preserve the Sharingan?"

An ear-splitting screech tore through the Uchiha Compound, and possibly the rest of Konoha.

Walking hand in hand down the street, Minato looked at Kushina.

"Did you hear something?"

Kushina shook her head. "Nope!"

"Ah…never mind then."

**XOX**

**It's a Boy?**

**XOX**

Uchiha Mikoto blinked as she held her second newborn child in her arms. Uchiha Fugaku cried tears of joy while pumping his fists in the air.

"Yes! It's a boy! A boy! The doctors were wrong! I'll have another Itachi to raise!"

Five year old Uchiha Itachi sighed. "So, okaa-san, what do you plan to do with all of the girl things you bought for the baby?"

Mikoto's left eye twitched in annoyance. "Why, Itachi darling, make him wear it of course! Those outfits did cost a lot of money and he does have my pretty looks after all, so he can easily pass for a girl! _Ohohohohohohoho!_"

Itachi ignored his mother and took to staring at his baby brother's extra toe. Incest had its consequences. Perhaps his mother's insanity was a consequence of incest as well.

Mikoto cradled Sasuke in her arms lovingly. "Ah, Fugaku, what shall we name our child? If he was a girl, I would have named him Sachiko."

"Why don't we name him Sasuke? After the famous ninja from the legends? I read about him in school today," Itachi offered.

"Ah…a strong, brilliant name of course! Good job Itachi! Uchiha Sasuke it is," Fugaku declared proudly. "I can only hope that he will be as wonderful as you are Itachi."

Itachi snorted unattractively.

**XOX**

**He Looks Just Like You**

**XOX**

Kushina pouted, just slightly as she stared at her newborn baby boy.

"You look just like your father...not even a bit like me…"

Minato rubbed her shoulders supportively. "There, there. If anything, I believe he has your personality. Look at him smiling and giggling already!"

Kushina smiled softly. "I suppose you're right. I want to name him…Naruto. Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto. I have a feeling that he's going to become a wonderful seme with a giant harem someday…"

Minato made a face. "…A fishcake? A seme? A harem? What are you planning to turn our son into?!"

Kushina smirked. "The next Hokage, of course."

**XOX**

**The Ninja Academy**

**XOX**

Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto had his nose pressed against another's.

"…You know, you're really pretty-like Sasuke, but 'kaa-san says I'm supposed to be your enemy. But I really want to be your friend, teme."

Uchiha Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows. "What did you just call me dobe?"

"…Pretty? You know, like girl-pretty."

"Ah. I was just making sure."

Umino Iruka ran over to where Naruto and Sasuke were playing as soon as he saw Sasuke slowly approach Naruto with a silver kunai in his right hand.

"Sasuke! Sasuke! Put that weapon down right NOW!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh! Iruka-sensei, save me! Sasuke-teme's crazy!"

**XOX**

**The Team 7 Mothers Chat**

**XOX **

Mrs. Haruno smiled as she took a sip of her oolong tea. "I'm sure that my Sakura will make a splendid ninja someday! She's very bright and determined, that girl!"

Mikoto chuckled softly she placed her teacup down on Mrs. Haruno's table. "Ah, silly civilian woman! My Sasuke says that your daughter is useless and spends all of her time chasing after him!"

Mrs. Haruno glared. "Excuse _me_?"

Kushina sipped at her instant ramen. "Mmm, Sakura-chan sounds a lot like you then, doesn't she Mikoto? My Naruto thinks your daughter is very cute, Haruno-san. She'll make a lovely addition to his harem."

This time, Mrs. Haruno spat out her tea. "EXCUSE ME?!"

Mikoto glared at Kushina. "At least MY son graduated at the top of his class! And your son, the Hokage's child, was last? What kind of crap is that? It goes to show that Uchihas WIN at life! _Ohohohohohohoho_!"

"Keep on laughing Mikoto, see if I don't shove a kunai down your—"

"HOW ABOUT THE BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Mrs. Haruno roared, silencing both Kushina and Mikoto.

After a few moments, Kushina produced a low whistle. "Damn Haruno-san, you could make a really good sensei!"

"The both of you," Mrs. Haruno snarled, "get the hell out of my house. _Now_."

**XOX**

**Naruto and His Mom**

**XOX**

Kushina clasped her nimble hands together. "Okay sweetheart, I'm going to teach you something super special cool! It's an awesome attack that was created by yours truly! Once you use it, you'll be able to defeat that Uchiha brat in no time!"

Naruto bounced up and down with excitement. "Even better than kage bushin? Even better than the Sharingan and Rasengan?"

Kushina nodded. "Yep! It's called the Oiroke no Jutsu. And since Mikoto's kid an obvious queer, I'll teach you the shonen-ai edition!"

Naruto pumped a fist in the air. "Yosh! I'm finally going to kick Sasuke's ass and add him to my harem!"

Kushina patted her son's shoulder. "That's the spirit darling! Just don't tell your father! Now let's go out and have some miso ramen before we start your training! Sounds good?"

"You're definitely the best, _dattebayo_! I want _ten_ bowls of ramen, heh, heh!"

**XOX**

**Sasuke and His Mom**

**XOX **

Sasuke frowned.

"Kaa-san, how is wearing a girl kimono and learning how to perform a tea ceremony make me a better ninja?"

Mikoto smiled. She wore a pink and blue kimono bearing the Uchiha family symbol on the back that matched her sons. Itachi thought that they looked very pretty together, dressed like that.

"Why Sasuke! Everyone knows that an excellent ninja needs to learn how to play other roles for undercover missions! Now pour your brother the tea. It's getting cold."

Sasuke sighed and poured as instructed. Mikoto smacked Sasuke's hand with a red and white _uchiwa._ "That's the wrong way. Your wrist was too limp my daughter—er, son! _Ohohohohohohohoho!_"

Itachi sipped some of his tea. It was delicious.

Fugaku and the other Uchiha men watched Sasuke and Mikoto's tea ceremony from behind a couch.

"She's….she's turning Itachi into a…a…a…NON-Itachi!" Fugaku cried, throwing his face into the palms of his hands in shame.

"Well. That's what you get for naming him Sas**UKE**," Uchiha Shisui replied indifferently. "Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to get a cup a tea."

"Traitor," Fugaku hissed darkly.

Shisui chuckled softly at the remark. "Only if you knew old man…only if you knew…"

**XOX**

**The Big Day **

**XOX**

Punches. Kicks. Sweating. Heavy breathing. Two fifteen year old ninja giving it their all. One the son of the Hokage, the other a "prince" of the noble Uchiha Clan.

"Shonen-ai Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Two naked Narutos now stood in front of Sasuke, both entangling themselves in a provocative position. A mere wisp of smoke barely covered their crotches. Sasuke's left eye twitched.

"Usuratonkachi, what the _fuck_ is this?"

One of the Narutos spoke, his voice deep, sultry, and seducing.

"Your hottest wet dream come true…_Sasuke_. Won't you indulge in us?"

The second Naruto suddenly tossed his head back and groaned as the first Naruto's hand right hand disappeared behind the shroud of smoke.

Blood began to gush out of Sasuke's nose. The Uchiha stumbled backwards, wavered, and twitched some more before passing out in a puddle of his own blood.

Naruto transformed back into his regular self and ran over to Sasuke, picking him up happily.

Mikoto fell to her knee and pulled her hair. "NOOOOOOOOOOO! This wasn't supposed to happen! Sasuke! You've disgraced our clan! You've betrayed us! Wake up damn you!"

Kushina clapped her hands together and cheered. "That's right Naruto! Use the power of your father's good looks! Own his pale skinny ass! Then make him your brid—"

Mikoto glared at Kushina and made a horrifying screeching noise before tackling Kushina to the ground in a bitch fight. The kind of fight that including a lot of smacking, cursing, and hair-pulling on Mikoto's part.

Nara Shikamaru, the only spectator who did not pass out from Naruto's sexy jutsu, walked away from Mikoto and Kushina's fight.

"Women can be so…fucking crazy," he murmured.

He then looked at the reader of this ficlet. "Heh, expected me to say troublesome, didn't you?"

**XX End Ficlet XX**

**Z/N:** Hatake Sakumo is Kakashi's daddy, by the way. Shikamaru rocks. And you all know you want to do the **Uchiha Mikoto Laugh ©**


	2. Dance Dance

**Title**: **Dance Dance **

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: NaruSasuSaku**

**Summary**: _Life's more fun when you dance the night away and think about the consequences/aching feet later. _

**Warnings: **AU, drinking, cursing

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (Insert witty joke here)**

**XXX**

Haruno Sakura felt sick. And hot. And dizzy. She felt the particles of liquid, dust, and dirt melt into the film of sweat upon her skin. Every time Sakura tried to moved away from the swarm of gyrating bodies, Ino or some stranger (in this case, a tall blond guy? She could barely make out his features in the darkness of the club) would pull her back in.

"One dance?" asked the mysterious blond man.

**OOO**

Uzumaki Naruto gave his foxiest grin to the pretty girl with pink hair whose hand he held delicately. The girl's teeth were bared as she glared at him with piercing green eyes the same shade as a Granny Smith apple.

The girl moved closer to him and shouted in his ear, "I don't think so! I'm tired of dancing for the night." Her voice tried to drown out the raised volume of the pumping music. Naruto laughed and the girl looked offended, her eyes narrowing further. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against her right ear, "You're not tired of dancing; you're just tired of moving to the wrong type of music. Come with me."

The girl made a face, as if she had ate something sour, before raising her knee and ramming it up his crotch.

**XXX**

Uchiha Sasuke dropped his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it, putting an end to its orange glow. It was dark. And he was drunk, but sober enough to not attempt driving home while drunk. It was cold outside earlier, but not at the moment. The alcohol he consumed was burning like fire through his veins. He stood outside of the club, hoping to cool down before he went into a heat overload.

A girl ran past him. She had pink hair. _Perhaps_, Sasuke thought, _I'm imagining her. Hallucinating. Suffering from a delusion. It wouldn't be the first time. _

"Hey you," Sasuke called with a slur. The girl stopped and turned around. A blush came to her cheeks. Sasuke figured that she was probably distracted by his looks. People always were. They never took the time to see _past_ them.

"What… do you… want?" the girl asked, stunned yet wary.

Sasuke licked his lips and said, "Drive me home. I'm drunk."

**OOO**

Naruto hobbled after the pink haired girl, turning down flirtatious advances from both males and females alike on his way. When he finally made it outside, the night air cooled down his heated flesh. His bubblegum-headed mystery girl was standing face to face with a dark haired, skinny looking guy. They were talking.

Naruto walked up to the guy and pulled him away from the girl. The dark haired guy had black eyes and blue tinted lips.

The pink haired girl crossed her arms and stared at Naruto with disdain, "You again? You shouldn't be walking, not with the force I kicked your balls with."

"…Uzumaki Naruto, nice to meet 'cha too! This guy here looks like a predator slash junkie…I'm only trying to protect you," Naruto stated, gesturing toward the skinny man he held back.

Sakura placed a hand on her hip, "Haruno Sakura. And I can take care of myself you cocky asshole. And I agree…about this guy not looking good. He says he's drunk."

Sasuke didn't like the feel of Naruto's hands on his shoulders, "…Uchiha Sasuke. And if you don't let me the fuck go moron, I'll—"

Sasuke began to cough, slim shoulders quivering as he threw up on Naruto's brand new shoes.

"You're not coming into my car with _those_ shoes on," Sakura stated bluntly, twirling her car keys with one finger. Green eyes glanced over to the oatmeal colored spittle dripping from the side of Sasuke's otherwise pretty mouth.

**XXX**

Sakura made sure to sent a text message to Ino, assuring her friend that she left the club and was at home safe and sound. She purposely left out the part about bringing home with her two (dead sexy) strangers.

And in case the strangers attempted to assault her in any manner, Sakura had mace, a truncheon, a handgun, and a shotgun hidden in various areas of her home. She also possessed years of self-defense martial arts.

"Hey, Sakura-chan, do you have any instant ramen? You owe me some food for making me ditch my kick-ass shoes," Naruto voice rang from Sakura's kitchen.

"Oh trust me, they weren't all that kick-ass," Sakura replied, brushing back the black, silky locks of Sasuke's hair, setting a moist towel upon his forehead. He rested on her couch. The dark haired beauty glared at her with smoldering onyx eyes. He pale cheeks were flushed.

_Well, at least his lips aren't blue anymore_, Sakura thought.

Naruto wandered into her living room with a cup of instant ramen in one hand and chopsticks in the other, strutting around in his black leather pants and stylishly ripped orange tank top. Day-Glo orange looked good on him.

"…So you're one of those girls," Sasuke murmured, his face settling into a gaze of perfect indifference. Sakura raised an eyebrow. Sasuke continued speaking. "You see some attractive guys and immediately take them home? For all you know I could be a psychopathic rapist. As a woman, you should more aware."

Naruto stopped eating his ramen and grinned. "…You both think I'm hot? I _am_ awesome. Oh, and Sasuke? You're a complete asshole for saying that to Sakura-chan. She oughta kick your ungrateful, anorexic ass out."

Sakura snarled. "I ought to kick BOTH of you out; you're both starting to piss me off! Especially you Sasuke! How dare you…how DARE you assume things when you don't even _know_ me?! Ohh, you're SO LUCKY you're helpless right now; beating you to a pulp just wouldn't be fair right now. This…this is the LAST TIME I'm helping RUDE drunk strangers and letting some tall, BLOND guy eat my food!"

Naruto pouted, "What do you have against blonds? You have _pink_ hair, may I remind you."

Sakura ignored Naruto's remark as she paced in circles, her bare toes squishing themselves into her plush beige carpet. She stopped in mid-circle and slamming her fist into the nearest wall, creating a network of lines.

_So…that explains all the little cracks on her wall_, Naruto thought while finishing up his ramen.

_She's strong, _Sasuke vaguely thought.

Naruto placed his ramen cup down on Sakura's table, "Yeah, so, do you guys want to dance?"

"…Dance? What are you talking about?" Sakura inquired, quickly getting over her fit of uncontrollable rage.

Naruto smirked, "Yeah. To the right kind of music."

Sasuke sat up from where he laid, removing the wet towel from his forehead, "I think I need to get more drunk. Just so I can forget tonight's events. Where do you keep your alcohol?"

Naruto chuckled, "You're cute Uchiha and a definite alcoholic. But I can assure you, no one _ever _forgets about me. _Believe it_."

Sakura shivered. Why did such a cheesy catchphrase sound so hot coming out of Naruto's mouth?

**XXX**

Uchiha Sasuke woke up the next morning with the worst headache of his life. He was as naked as the day he was born, harboring bite marks, red lines, and bruises all over his body.

A pink haired girl…no woman, a pink haired _woman_ slept soundly on one side of him while a blond snored loudly on the other. They both had their clothes on. The blond's pants were unzipped and the girl was missing a bra, but granted they still had clothes _on_. There were _used _condoms on the floor.

_Did I…get raped last night? _

"_**Dance?" **_

"_**Yeah. To the right kind of music." **_

Sasuke blinked. Oh. _That_ happened.

Sasuke closed his eyes and decided to go back to sleep. He'd sort things out when the two other people beside him felt less warm and his hangover felt less prominent.

**XX End Ficlet XX**


	3. Revolutionary Girl Hinata

**Title**: **Revolutionary Girl Hinata **

**Rating: T Plus**

**Pairing: Sasuke + Hinata platonic **

**Summary**: _In which the seemingly helpless princess saves the screamingly fatalist prince. _

**Warnings: **AU, angst, talk about suicide

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (Insert witty joke here)**

**XXX**

**Revolutionary (adjective)**: (2) radically _new_ or innovative; outside or _beyond the established procedure_ and principals.

**XOX**

The tapping sound of Hyuuga Hinata's black Marc Jacobs boots along the cobbled surface of the subway station. The distinct rumbling of the tracks urged the heiress to move even faster, if possible. If Hinata missed this train, she would be stranded in the middle of a Tokyo station, located underneath the city, at 2:00 A.M.—alone, defenseless, and most importantly, cell phone-less.

Not to mention that it was deathly cold and she had lost her gloves.

_I should have listened to Neji-niisan…_

As Hinata got closer to her destination, her eyes picked up on a man that stood at the very edge of the waiting platform. The back of his hairstyle was raised with spikes and he wore a black trench coat, hands buried deep within the pockets. The train was drawing closer and closer to its stop. Hinata's running slowed down to brisk walking. She got a better view of the man's profile. His eyes were a little red and his cheekbones protruded from his otherwise handsome, milk-skinned face.

The train was seconds away now. Hinata watched as the shoulders of the man standing a few feet away from her went slack. She watched as tired sigh escaped his lips. She watched as he stuck a leg out and readied himself to throw his body in front of the approaching train.

Hinata's eyes grew as wide as saucer plates. Her breath hitched and ceased.

None of the other people around (which were less than a few) did not seem to notice. Or didn't care.

**XXX**

Instead of finding his body underneath pounds of metal and his blood speckled against the caramel-tiled walls of the station, Uchiha Sasuke found himself sitting in front of the opened doors of the number nine train. The person who pulled him back still had his (or her?) thin arms wrapped tightly around him. Sasuke guessed that this person was a female due to the otherwise inexplicable softness of her chest pressing against his back.

Sasuke quickly pulled away from her, not bothering to look back as he stood up. The doors of the train closed and sped away just as quickly as it had come. His chance for salvation had once again escaped him.

Hinata pressed the tips of her fingers against her aching throat. Never had she screamed so loudly. She had always been a soft-spoken individual. After calming herself down from the initial excitement, Hinata picked herself up and stared at the stranger she had saved. He had the longest eyelashes…

"You stupid girl, why did you do that?" The man spat at her, "Why couldn't you mind your own business?"

_I saved someone…this man in front of me who looks like he might kill me. Me…the person who normally needs the saving…_

…_I missed my train as well…how am I going to get home?_

_Why...do I feel so brave?_

_Why…_

…_do I feel so calm? _

"Why do you want to kill yourself?"

Hinata surprised herself yet again by hearing how her voice echoed without stutters. When the stranger did not answer her, she took a step forward and clasped her freezing hands together.

"…Whatever the reason…you shouldn't…you can't do this. Please don't commit suicide. No matter what the situation…you…you can overcome it. Ending you life would only bring your loved ones pain. My father knows a really good psychologist, I can—"

Hinata stopped talking when the man grabbed her by the wrist. Without a word, he began to drag her out of the subway station and she didn't feel the need to fight back.

**XXX**

She was the heiress to the Hyuuga fortune, Sasuke knew this much from pictures in the magazines.

He wondered what such a affluent girl was doing wandering the subways of Tokyo alone and this late at night. But he didn't wonder enough to ask.

He stood outside with her, in the biting cold, waiting for the cab he had called for her to come pick her up. Sasuke wondered why he was being so generous. But he didn't wonder enough to care. He was tired of caring.

"Thank you for the gloves. But aren't your hands cold?" Hinata said quietly, bringing an end to the awkward silence that was suffocating them both. Or at least, suffocating her.

"Pockets," Sasuke grunted back. Hinata replied with a soft "Oh" and went back to looking at her feet. But before she could stop herself, another question slipped past her lips.

"Are you…are you going to…to…try it…again…after I leave?"

The dark haired man shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe," he confessed, "or perhaps I'll try another night. A night when girls like you aren't out trying to be princes."

…_Did he just make a joke? I can't tell…his face remained blank…_

A car pulled up in front of them. Sasuke ushered the Hyuuga girl to the car, telling her to keep his gloves when she offered to give them back.

Hinata realized that she didn't want to (couldn't) leave just yet. She still had so many questions. She wanted to make sure that this man was going to be alright, yet he seemed to be in a rush to get rid of her. She began pounding her fists on his chest as he paid off the driver.

"…I don't even know your name! What's going to happen to you? I don't want you to hurt yourself…please...I…I may not understand your situation…and I may not be able to help you…but I want you to know that you're not alone. I want us to meet again someday and that can't happen if you kill yourself!" Hinata rambled out, knowing that she probably sounded stupid and shallow like a bad therapist on a TV show. The man pushed her all way in and gave her something in between a conceited smirk and a bitter smile.

"…Maybe you're not so stupid after all," he said to her before closing the door.

When Hinata looked outside of the rear-view window, she found that the man had already disappeared.

…_Did we switch roles? Did I really become a prince?_

_Was my good deed enough to keep you alive?_

…_I hope so…I pray so…_

_Please stay safe. _

Later, as Hinata peeled off her clothing layer by layer, she noticed that the rest of her body hungered for heat and that her fingers ached for cool air.

**XX End Ficlet XX**

**Z/N: **Slightly inspired from the Revolutionary Girl Utena anime. Just barely. So what happened to Sasuke? Why was Hinata by herself in the first place? I'll leave that up to your imaginations.


	4. Hyuuga Silliness

**Title**: **Hyuuga Silliness**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: None **

**Summary**: _A jutsu gone array by Hyuuga Hanabi ends up having some wonky setbacks._

**Warnings: **Crack and the breaking of the fourth wall

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (Insert witty joke here)**

**XXX**

Uchiha Sasuke stared in awe at the retreating figure of Hyuuga Hinata. He stood in the middle of the street, gaping like a dead fish in a most un-Uchiha-like manner for about three minutes.

A hand then heartily smacked him on the back.

"Ne, teme, what the hell are you looking at?"

The Uchiha, a most angsty and unpredictable beautiful creature, twitched. The left side of his face became immediately covered in Naruto spit.

"…Usuratonkachi. We're going to be late," Sasuke replied, referring to the fact that their team was supposed to meet with Kakashi-sensei at a training ground in exactly ten minutes. Not that it mattered, since Kakashi-sensei would not show up until about five hours later.

As Sasuke walked by his talkative teammate's side, Sasuke couldn't help but wonder…

_Did Hyuuga Hinata just…__**glare**__ at me? And told me to move out of her way….__**without **__stuttering?_

**XXX**

Little did Uzumaki Naruto know, a pair of white eyes was secretly following him.

Hyuuga Neji gasped as he hid himself behind a corner, before the blond object of his affections could see him. Neji played with fingers and sighed while pressing his back against the alley way wall.

_Oh Naruto-kun, if only you would notice me…only if I had the courage to tell you how I truly feel…it's so difficult keeping these strong emotions inside of my fragile body. I think I might explode!_

Neji sighed again. He felt his cheeks grow warmer at the thought of naughty things involving his fox-faced crush.

Neji placed his hands on his cheeks and squealed, "Ack, my nose is bleeding! I'm a bad boy, a bad, bad boy—! Urk—!"

Hyuuga Neji then passed out, right there, in the middle of a dark alley, fresh for the molesting.

**XXX**

"Hi-Hi…Hina…ta?"

The Hyuuga heiress placed her hands by her sides, reverting out of her trademark fighting stance. She turned her head around sharply, lips set in a straight line. She looked angry. A special type of Main House hating, fate-believing angry.

"What is it Inuzuka?"

Her voice was cold and condescending. Inuzuka Kiba winced as he looked from his normally shy and quiet teammate to Aburame Shino, who was currently lying unconscious on the ground. From sparring. WITH HINATA. Who kicked Shino's ass thoroughly.

"Uhm…nothing's…wrong…Hinata…I mean…are you feeling alright?"

_Where's Kurenai-sensei when you need her_, Kiba thought with fear. Another voice within his mind replied_, "Probably making out with Asuma-sensei." _

Hinata cracked her fists before reactivating her Byakuugan.

"I'm feeling _great_. Come one Inuzuka, you'll be my next opponent. Let's see if fate will allow you to defeat me on this day."

Akamaru buried himself inside of Kiba's heavy jacket, whimpering while Hinata smirked and moved forward.

**XXX**

Tenten casually twirled a kunai on her index finger, brown eyes scrutinizing the sparring occurring between Lee and Neji. Surprisingly, Lee had the upper hand which was a bit strange since usually both boys were usually evenly matched. Plus, Neji had been acting like his usual bastardly self. Neji was _blushing_ and speaking in a polite, shy tone. Tenten figured that the world was slowly coming to an end.

Lee kicked Neji in the face, and the Hyuuga genius flew back, tumbling on the bare ground. Tenten narrowed her eyes; Neji could have _so_ dodged that move.

"Ah! Neji, are you alright? Did I perhaps put a little too much youth into that kick?" Lee quickly rushed over to where Neji was slowly sitting up. The Hyuuga genius merely looked up at Lee and gave him a gentle smile. "I'll…I'll be alright Lee-kun…please…please don't concern yourself with…me…"

And then Lee blushed, because his normally bastardly teammate suddenly looked incredibly adorable, quivering his bottom lip and playing with his fingers like _that_ and having his long., shiny hair all mussed up like _that…_

And then Tenten dropped her kunai. And Gai-sensei stared. And stared. And stared. And then squealed.

"A new chapter has opened in our YOUTHFUL team story—the chapter about Neji, our fair man-maiden!"

And Lee saluted Gai-sensei, "YOSH!"

**XXX**

_Stupid boys…it's always about them arguing with each other like a married couple, I wouldn't be surprised with they were with each othe_r_…wait…are they?! It would explain why Sasuke-kun doesn't pay attention to girls! _Inner Sakura ranted.

But as usual, Haruno Sakura kept those uncouth thoughts to herself. She dejectedly ate her _ramen a la Ichiraku_ dinner as Naruto continued to call Sasuke variations of the words _bastard_ and _girly_ and _emo-angst whore._

Sasuke retorted with variations of the words, _hn_, _dobe_, _clumsy idiot_, _severely retarded loser_, and—his favorite— "You don't understand how it feels to lose a family! You've been alone your entire life!"

Right. That still gives you no excuse to run away to a fifty year old snake that wants your body in more ways than one, Sasuke-kun. It just _doesn't._

Naruto's ADHD made itself present once more as the blond looked away from Sasuke and wandered over to where he just spotted Team Gai.

"Oi! Bushy Brows! Tenten! Neji! I haven't seen you guys in forever! Hey…Neji…why is your face all red? And…why are you shaking so much? Are you sick? C'mere, lemme feel your forehead…"

"Naruto-kun…I…I…Ugh…_ack_!"

Neji's nose gushed blood all over Naruto and then the Hyuuga fainted.

Naruto screamed. "Oh my God, I killed Neji! I'll never become Hokage…I _don't _believe it!"

"Finally," Sasuke murmured. "Damn American dub."

"Ah! There you are!" shouted Hyuuga Hanabi, running toward Team 7 and Team Gai with a pissed-off looking Hinata behind her.

"Hanabi, let go of me at once before I—"

Hanabi ignored her sister and pushed her on top of the unconscious maiden Neji. The youngest Hyuuga began to perform a series of hand signs before shouting, "Release!" Neji and Hinata's body glowed and Hanabi sighed in relief as she walked away without an explanation.

Moments later, Neji and Hinata woke up. The two cousins scrambled quickly removed themselves from the awkward position they were in. Hinata apologized to Neji while playing with her fingers. Neji stood up, glared at everyone, and walked off.

"…And that totally wasn't weird," Naruto said sarcastically. Sasuke was surprised to find out that the Naruto knew what sarcasm was.

Lee pouted, "I guess that's the end of our cute, squishy Neji."

Sasuke crossed his arms."And the end to Sexy Badass Hinata."

"Wait…WHA—?!"

"SASUKE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SASU-**GAY**?!"

**XX End Ficlet XX**


End file.
